Methadone: the invisible drug
So I am in my second month of methadone treatment, and time seems to be passing faster and faster. I've noticed methadone makes you : very
capable of dealing with immense boredom, hours of doing nothing, with little or no complaining. This is perfect for someone with a slow-paced job with plenty of time to burn at work.
My job is very fast-paced, and methadone is well-suited for that type of schedule too. Methadone gives me a constant energy and accelerates my thoughts. I tried lowering my dose at the clinic recently, and I nearly passed out at work from exhaustion. I went back up on my dose.
This leads me to the very scary question...if, after only 2 months at the clinic, I am already this dependent on methadone again, how am I ever going to leave treatment? Or do they have me forever?
Methadone is so translucent that I do not feel it throughout the day. To catch a buzz on it, I have to drink alcohol after I take it. Doing so makes me super
fucked up. I don't like getting fucked up anymore, so I take the methadone properly. But a lack
of methadone... whew, I definitely feel that. It is such a two-faced drug... haha.
I am more scared than ever that I will be on methadone forever, that I will die a methadone patient. I have heard of more than a few people who took methadone for 40 or more years, until they died. And they started when they were my age.
(3 projections | project thy mind)